Regeneration #135489321

So, it's been a much longer break from creating and sharing and journaling than originally anticipated, due mostly to a pretty damn hectic schedule with my summer semester, much more draining than I ever thought. If I've had time for any posting, it's been a quick Twitter update and that's it.



The break probably would have been longer, but dear Jude has inadvertently caused me to come out of hiding. She spoke such lovely words on recycling and renewal, that it made me think of my Diet quilt and how it represents such a renewal, in many senses. It uses such beautiful scraps, giving them new life, and it is also a symbol of renewal all by itself. Even though my diligence in working on it is equal to my diligence in my diet, and that is not very diligent indeed, I can still say it's a tangible force in my search for a new body and a new life. Every time I look at it, the small quilt is a reminder of what I want and how I can achieve it.

I found little moments to continue working on the piece while waiting for my homework to print, and just those few stolen minutes helped me find unexpected inspiration and direction. I have more specific ideas about how this piece will reflect my current journey. I see a vision of sixteen eyes, each one seeing something different and new. I see the possibility of teeth and noses and lips and limbs and torsos and possibly a corset or two. (Because if I'm reflecting how I want to look, why not reflect what I want to wear?)



I'm thinking right now of how a feeling of stagnation followed by a renewal of goals and desires is an ongoing up-and-down motion in my life, and I wonder how many other artists experience this as well. Certainly all people who give themselves over to their own inner muse and seek to create meaningful and worthwhile things must continually go through an ebb and flow of this kind. One cannot always be carried away by the creative spirit, forever taken away from conventional thinking. Regular and important (grownup) stuff would never get done. Though I can partially blame this recent recycling of intent on Jude, I worry that I may sound repetitive with constant rejoicing of a coming flood of creation and the following melancholy when the energy's all spent until the next wave hits. But perhaps the sense of the words refreshing and renewal cannot be felt unless there is something old to renew and refresh in the first place, and new inevitably becomes old, which must then be renewed again.

I think I've just fallen into a philosophical catch-22. Perhaps I should give up making sense of it and go to bed.

I've made up my goodie bags and sent them off. I have pictures in my head and a regenerated sense of what I want. I am the next Doctor Who. I have also just realized that there are only twelve eyes on that doodle. I guess the other four are hidden.