Almost back on track

Two doctor appointments this week, and two great bits of news.

I had my 3 month follow-up colposcopy after my scary pre-cervical-cancer ordeal, and I was told I have a "million dollar vagina". Please tell me someone else finds this as hilarious as Tanya and I do. We spent all morning quoting it, telling her mom, my husband, and each other about the great worth of my lady bits.

I also saw my family doc, and I do believe I shall be getting my energy back sometime very soon. I seem to have a messed up thyroid level. I suspected it when I started steadily gaining weight even though my eating habits hadn't changed and I had in fact been getting more exercise from trudging all over campus. I've also been sleeping twelve, even fourteen hours a night, and have been utterly exhausted during the day. Doctor finally took one look at the weight gain and the tiredness, and heard I was taking A&P this summer, and said "Let's check you and get you on some drugs!"

Anyways, I start on said drugs today. And this is the second-to-last week of school. I'm so relieved I'll be able to get a breather, and will actually be able to recover from the tiredness, as opposed to just staving it off for another few days.

It's such a relieving feeling to know that the reason I've been struggling is something that wasn't my fault. I've had such a self-defeating thought that the real reason I've been exhausted is because I've been pushing myself too hard just to keep up with the "average" student. I was worried I didn't have the ability to learn, which I know is a ridiculous thought.

But to hear that my body is just sabotaging itself with no input from my conscious mind, I'm just so glad. I heard about the high thyroid today, and Tanya and I cheered and high-fived. It was a moment of "Yay! An answer! A relieving change! And an explanation." I feel so much more confident too, now that I know I haven't just been incredibly lazy. Maybe now I'll have the energy to come home and actually do the laundry, put in a load of dishes, and then just relax in my room and create and experiment with whatever I feel like. I won't feel like a failure.

I really do find it strange that just the loss of a little bit of energy and some added emotional (and physical) weight would seep into every other part of my life, infecting my confidence, my drive, my mental capacity to learn, my desire to be a good wife, student, and friend. It's strange, but at least fixing the origin of the problem will help with everything else.

Listen to me ramble on... Not much else to do at this point, I suppose, at least not today. I'll be trying to clean up the spare room, get some projects either organized or stored away in preparation of the upcoming surge of creative juices that I know will inevitably come. I'll also sit down and breathe and be thankful.